Judgement
by Emperor Ferus
Summary: Severus Snape has died and passed on into the wizarding afterlife. Will he be rewarded for his good deeds, or be punished forever for his crimes? Not a time travel or redo fic.
1. Into the Unknown

The wound on his neck was still as fresh as a knife drilling through his jugular, but Severus Snape barely acknowledged it. That was nothing compared to his great shame, exposing his most vulnerable self to the boy he'd hated for seven years.

Protected, but hated. No, Harry Potter was not his father, not in temperment, but Snape had always felt better blaming the boy. It was easy to blame Harry Potter for everything; James was not around to bear the brunt. No, he'd died on the "right side", while Snape was about to die on the wrong one.

"Take...it..." he mumbled to the brat, holding up the flask filled with his tears.

 _Cokesworth, Lily, the playground..._

 _Her vile sister, the branch... finding the letter... Dementors, Azkaban... my bloody father..._

Potter looked down at the flask, taking it hesistantly. Snape knew in his heart that it was a miracle the boy had come at all, kneeling at his side in his final moments. Potter's moral good and power to forgive was greater than Snape's ever had been.

His heart, it was just as warm and loving Lily's. No, Snape reminded himself, he's every bit the arrogant berk his father was.

 _The platform, my mother, Lily arguing with Petunia..._

 _our compartment, Potter and Black..._

The tears flowed into the flask as Harry Potter held it, his two friends vaguely watching in the background. They were of no consequence at the moment...

 _The Sorting, Gryffindor... The werewolf, Mary Macdonald, Mulciber..._

 _No!_

It was his worst memory, back again too soon. A fresh surge of hate for the young Potter ran through Snape's ebbing blood as he recalled the incident in the Pensieve where the little brat had seen the end of his friendship with Lily, at the hands of that piece of barely-human vermin.

 _I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!_

 _Fine, I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, Snivellus._

No, go away Potter, you little swine!

But he needed to finish this, Snape knew, the Dark Lord still had to be defeated. So as always, Snape allowed himself to suffer in order to complete Dumbledore's grand scheme. It was the story of his life.

At last, his eyes had dried out into the small flask, which Potter closed wordlessly, still kneeling at Snape's side.

 _Why is he doing this? He hates me, he knows I hate him. He thinks I'm a murderous traitor. I am, anyway._

He was at the very end, Snape could feel his heart beginning to stop as the puddle of his own blood began to soak his black robes.

He needed to see those eyes again, before he died. He needed to leave the world with some sense of peace, after a lifetime of misery, slavery, and regret.

"Look at me..." Snape uttered, barely aware of what he was saying.

He felt the boy's hand on his chin, turning his face to Potter's own, and he saw those eyes, the same eyes he'd been stricken by all those decades ago...

 _He has his mother's eyes, and her spirit... a better man than his father, and a better man than I...I was wrong about him..._

And slowly, the eyes of eternal beauty faded away as Snape's universe went black, his senses failing him. There was no floor below him, no body attached to his soul, just his conciousness floating in blackness.

A feeling of relief swept over Snape. He was dead, away from the mortal coil of misery. At last, he would rest for eternity, and no longer live in the existance he'd reviled.

The memories of his life would fade away, and nothing that had ever happened in the world would matter again...

And then the blackness slowly began to turn white, and Snape could again feel solid ground holding up his body.

The blur of light was clearing up, and Snape realized he was standing on his own two feet again. He could feel his body as well, and the robes he had worn. The wound on his neck was gone, but Snape found himself able to see his hands and feet and move them.

What the ruddy hell was this? Snape looked around, seeing grass and shrubbery around him. But there was something beyond that... it was a playground!

No, it was _the_ playground! Where his life had really began, and had also begun its spiral into eternal misery and depression.

Snape instinctively reached into his cloak for his wand, but realized it was gone with a frustrated jolt.

Not knowing what else to do, Snape walked through the hedges towards the playground. Beyond the slide and monkey bars, he saw a lone figure on the swing set. Snape cringed in annoyance as he took in the appearance of Dumbledore, from his billowing white hair and beard, to his effeminate magenta robes, to his twinkling blue eyes and half-moon glasses.

Why wouldn't the old man let him be?

Dumbledore rose from the swings when he saw Snape, and approached him. Snape remained rooted in place as he gazed stonily at his old master.

"Severus Snape, double agent, a brave man to the end," Albus Dumbledore said, clasping Snape's hand as he approached, "It would appear that at last, you have escaped from the life you hated into the world beyond."

"That is what I had hoped," Snape replied with his usual irony, speaking for the first time since he'd died.

"You don't know how terrible I feel for all you've gone through, Severus," Dumbledore told him, "Incurring the wraths of both the Death Eaters and the Hogwarts staff alike, braving through it knowing you would not be rewarded in the mortal world. A true, selfless hero."

"You forget, Dumbledore, that my original intentions were by no means selfless. I merely joined your noble cause in the hopes of avenging Lily's death." Snape would not accept credit just yet, there was still too much self-loathing within him.

Dumbledore nodded somberly, his mustache twitched downward in a sorrowful frown. "I rememeber as well as you do, Severus. However, you played your part beyond the call of duty, risking your life for a child you hated and a school that brought you nothing but sour memories. You fought gallantly knowing you would receive no gratitude or kindness again in your life."

"I only ever received true kindness from one person, Dumbledore. Only Lily Evans, and even that was cut short by my own blindness."

"You mustn't punish yourself more than the world already has, Severus," Dumbledore said, "I have spent my own life punishing myself for my past, and as a result I was never truly happy in the long years of my life."

"I deserve worse than that!" Snape burst, a wave of emotion coming over him out of nowhere, "I deserve worse than even the Dark Lord! I threw away my only friend, I betrayed her, I..."

"STOP!"

Snape stumbled backwards on the sand and nearly fell onto his back in surprise. Never had he heard Dumbledore speak in such a tone, not even at his angriest.

But Dumbledore's kind, grandfatherly demeanor had returned instantaneously. "Severus, no matter what you have done, you do not deserve to suffer any longer. All that is behind you now. It is time to go on and reap your rewards."

"My rewards?" Snape looked past Dumbledore into the foggy playground, as though hoping to find something else there. Suddenly, Snape's shame began to vanish, replaced by a deep-seated, long-stowed away hope. "Lily?"

Dumbledore's ghostly eyebrows furrowed in suspicion, his mouth twitching into a playfully amused smile at the same time.

"Lily? Is that the reward you want?"

Snape hesitated, his better judgement returning and replacing his brief moment of irrational elation.

"I..." Snape had no idea what he wanted, except to be left in peace. What else was there to do?

"I don't know...sir..." he felt like a schoolboy being told off for sneaking in the corridors after dark. Reminded of his conversation with Dumbledore in his office just after Lily's death, Snape found himself flushing with anger mixed with embarrasment.

Dumbledore raised his hand and pointed into the white glow surrounding the playground.

Snape looked up and saw a circle opening in the air. Through the circle he glimpsed his own self, like a mirror. The Mirror of Erised.

" _Sev!"_ a voice in the hole in the air called out. Mirror-Snape turned around, and gasped in surprised pleasure as a red-haired woman came running towards him.

"Sir, please," real-Snape choked, unable to watch yet unable to turn away, "if I am to be damned, please don't do it like this."

" _Lily?"_

" _Oh, Sev, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything! I was bloody stupid, I never should have ended up with Potter! I should have forgiven you right away for that one mistake, oh Sev, I should have known you really loved me!"_

Fake-Lily wrapped her arms around fake-Snape and hugged him tightly, crying into his shoulder. _"You're a real hero, Sev, I can never repay you enough for all you've done, for Harry and for me! I wish we could just... start over together."_

 _"But we can, Lily!"_ fake-Snape exclaimed, " _right here and now. Forget about Potter, and everything that happened."_

 _"Oh, Sev, I love you,"_ sobbed fake-Lily, going in with her lips. Fake-Snape met her lips with his own, kissing her passionately.

Snape stared mesmerized at the scene until it vanished into thin air.

"Walk with me, Severus," Dumbledore beckoned him through the playground towards the cement pathway that led to the streets of Cokeworth.

"What is the point of all this, sir?" Snape asked, once more feeling lost and relying on Dumbledore for guidance, "Why can't I just be dead?"

"My old friend, we are never really dead," Dumbledore replied, "Death is merely the next adventure after life."

"I never liked it when you spoke in riddles, Dumbledore."

"I didn't like many things about many people, Severus, but for the most part, I learned to live with them. For instance, I never liked my brother's obsession with goat-charming, but I only had to involve myself with such matters as much as I chose."

They proceeded down the empty street towards the suburban Muggle neighborhoods. The driveways were devoid of cars and Snape and Dumbledore were the only two people as far as the eye could see.

Feeling like a lost teenager, Snape asked, "Sir, where are we going?"

Dumbledore sighed gravely before replying. "Unfortunately, we will have to say goodbye very soon, Severus. I know that you have gone through more trials in your life than any man could dream of, but I am sad to tell you that there is yet one more.

"Only when a man dies, Severus, will he learn the sort of human being he was in life, for this is where it will be determined whether you are to be punished or rewarded. Consider this your own private purgatory, if you will.

"I cannot help you from this onward, Severus, although I strongly believe that you deserve paradise more ths

Snape knew where this was going, and he decided at that moment that he would rather go on living than face judgment. Wasn't being dead the consequence of his life's decisions, for better or worse? What more was he supposed to do?

Out of a white, two-story house emerged a man. He was dressed in a majestic white suit and a billowing cape, carrying a long, silver staff. This man's long hair and thick beard were the color of gold and his aura suggested great power.

"This is where I must leave you, Severus," Dumbledore said, "Goodbye, and good luck."

He stepped away from his protege into the middle of the street.

"Sir, wait!" Snape said sharply, "what's going to happen to me now?"

"That is entirely up to you, Severus," Dumbledore replied, "at last, you are free from my infuriating influence and from your obligations."

Then, before Snape could do or say anything more, the headmaster vanished into the white glow of the thin air.

Snape turned as the golden-haired man stepped onto the sidewalk, suddebly speechless at his presence.

"Severus Snape. I've been watching you a long time," the man said, "Rarely have I encounterd a soul with such complexity."

Snape did not speak, but studied the strange man.

"Yes, Severus," the man said, "I am here to guide you towards the direction where you belong. But first, allow me to introduce myself. I am Merlin, former advisor to King Arthur and like yourself, a Slytherin."


	2. Limited Paradise

Admittedly, Snape's inital reaction of shock was more visible than he would have liked. After taking a painfully-long to find his voice, he said, "What do you require of me... sir..."

He wished he could summon his usual air of sardony, but the presence of this wizarding legend was too much. He shouldn't care, Snape knew, all he really wanted was to rest in peace for etenity, ignorant of all events that succeeded his lifetime, but here was the most mythologized figure in history, addressing him directly.

Merlin looked younger than Snape had always imagined, and more human than in the books he had purchased from Florish and Blotts in his childhood.

He couldn't even address Merlin by name...

"I realize that this point of crossroads is not ideal for you, Severus," Merlin said regrettfully, "but it is out of my control. There is no escape from this. If you'll let me guide you, you can get out of this faster and enjoy the best possible fate for yourself."

"What crossroads do you refer to, sir?" Snape asked. Though a little of his old self had returned, there was still an undertone of youthful uncertainty, one that Snape desperately wished to be rid of. He was an adult, not a schoolboy asking his teacher a question about the homework...

"Won't you come inside, Severus?" Merlin stepped through the lawn onto the porch of the Muggle house he had emerged from and beckoned Severus towards him.

To his relief, Snape was able to summon some of the anger deep inside him. "How do I know this isn't a trick?"

"If it is, what is the worst that can happen?" Merlin asked with pointed amusement.

Snape paused to consider the question. There was no way this was a death trap, he was already dead. The Dark Lord could not be waiting to finish him off, Tom Riddle would be damned to hell immediately, if he had died already.

Snape followed Merlin onto the porch and through the door into the house. He nearly stumbled backwards as he recognized the layout.

It was the Evans's old home, just the same as it had been all those years ago. He had never gone back to Lily's house after their first year at Hogwarts; she had told him it was best that he didn't anymore after Petunia caught them snooping around in her room.

But now, all the memories were flooding back, and it was too much. The furniture in the sitting room was arranged exactly the same, as was the kitchen.

Snape scrambled into the sitting room towards the mantlepiece, where he found, to his horror, that the framed photos were now empty.

"This isn't right! This picture here," he said, pointing, "this is supposed to be her parents' wedding picture! Where is it? And here, this is a picture of the two girls seeing Father Christmas! WHERE ARE THE PICTURES?"

Merlin did not immediately reply but, to Snape's fury, took a seat on the couch.

"This is their home!" Snape yelled at him, consumed by sheer grief, "You can't just sit on their couch!"

"Severus, this is not really her home," Merlin replied, "Lily has never set foot in here, not in life nor in death You are seeing this right now because it is where you wanted to be, more than any place else."

"Rubbish!" Snape yelled, "I don't even know how I got here!"

"Perhaps it is not so complicated as you may believe," Merlin replied calmly, "Your main desire throughout your adult life was to be with Lily once again. This place is a representation of all you wanted, and, in your subconscious, the closest you can have to Lily herself. This is only one of the afterlife's infinite wonders."

Snape allowed the tears to flow freely, and with it, his rational mind began to return. He was a Slytherin, through and through, no matter what Dumbledore had said about sorting too soon. He would not allow emotion to consume his actions like Potter or his hotheaded friends.

"But, Merlin, this place is nothing without Lily herself. Why can't I see her? If anyone deserves to be rewarded after death, she does."

Merlin stood up from the couch and circled the living room. "My young friend, you forget that Lily is a soul of her own, and has a different idea of eternal paradise than you do. If she is not willing to be a part of your world, than making her do so would be as terrible a fate as those to be cast on the Death Eaters once they cross over to our side."

Snape said nothing, but stared hard at Merlin. Then, the legendary wizard said, "Perhaps a glimpse of her own posthumous reality will show you what I mean. Follow me."

Merlin beckoned Snape after him as he strode towards the staircase and climbed. Taking a breath, Snape followed, not knowing what to expect. They entered what had been Lily's childhood bedroom, which was completely empty except for a Pensieve.

"I'm sure you know how to use this," Merlin said, gesturing towards the bowl.

Snape hesitated, taking a deep breath. "Why are you doing this to me?" he moaned, "I just want to see Lily again."

"You will," Merlin replied.

Snape stepped over to the Pensieve and put his head into it.

If he could have grabbed his wand to use, he would have. He saw Lily, aged proportionally, dancing in the middle of a ballroom with none other than James Potter. Many other guests were there, but Snape had eyes only for the man and woman who had respectively haunted his nightmares and his fantasies.

"LILY!" he yelled, not caring thar nobody could hear him. He was going to say all he had wanted to say since his teenage years. "IT'S ME! I'm here to save you! Leave him, now! You never wanted to marry him, I know you didn't! What happened to 'arrogant bullying torag! You married him based on a lie! JAMES POTTER DIDN'T CHANGE A BIT!"

And he charged with his fist raised, punching through the transparent James. He swore, and punched again.

"Lily!" he cried desparately, "please! Please!" He dropped to his knees in the middle of the dance floor, still ignored by everyone. "I've always loved you Lily, more than Potter ever could! Please Lily, I need to see you one more time."

To his utter anguish, Lily leaned in towards James and the two of them kissed.

"I always knew he would win in the end," Lily told her husband, "I never lost faith."

"Now it's all over," James added, "All we fought for in our lives, accomplished by our little Harry."

"Shut up!" Snape yelled, "you don't know a thing, you sat on your sorry butt in this place while I spied for Dumbledore, and faced torture by the Dark Lord! You're here, being eternally rewarded, when you made my life a living hell! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE HER!"

"I think that's enough," said Merlin's voice from nowhere, and Snape returned to Lily's deserted bedroom.

"But she should be grateful!" he snapped, "she should be thanking me! I got her precious, bratty son out of danger again and again so that he and his little friends could disrespect me and snicker at me when they think I can't hear! If she knew everything, really knew, she would come to her senses and leave that good-for-nothing Potter!"

"Perhaps you should consider who your anger truly lies with," Merlin said, "You have acknowledged tour anger with James Potter, and with the boy, but is there anybody you might be forgetting."

Snape stared at him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I could be wrong," Merlin said, but I believe you are holding on to anger towards Lily herself as well."

"Never!" Snape declared, "I could never be angry with Lily! She's the only one I really ever loved."

"That may be so, but the ones we love can trigger our emotions in ways that nobody else can," Merlin replied, "look deep inside yourself, and let it all out. Only than can you truly be free."

Snape closed his eyes and reached into the depths of his heart.

 _Fine then, I won't bother. I'd wash my hands if I were you, Snivellus._

 _You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine._

"I hate her!" Snape yelled, opening his eyes, "Yes, I used an offensive word, but she could clearly see the pain I was experiencing! Cornered by Potter and his pigheaded mates, humiliated in front of the school! We were best friends for years, and she threw it all away! She forgave Potter for all his years of terrorizing her best friend, even after he'd pretended to change, but she couldn't forgive me when I needed her the most! She is responsible for everything, EVERYTHING! That ungrateful bitch deserves no better than her excuse of a husband!"

Merlin considered Snape's rant quietly. Snape felt guilty even as his long-buried rage flowed through his blood.

Unwilling to stand another second in this torture chamber, Snape bolted from the room, down the stairs, towards the doorway. He sprinted off the porch onto the street, running as far and fast as he could.


End file.
